Found A Home At Last

          Today was Recognition (Graduation) Day at Perkins School. In addition to the students being recognised for graduating from High School or completing a certificate program, the school also honored some of their faculty. The man on the left has been the art teacher at Perkins School for the past 9 years and was recognised for his part in educating and helping these students succeed. He shares a little about how traditional art classroom are like and then he goes on to describe what goes on in his art room. He talks about those kids that walk in and are covered in chalk from head to toe in 5 minutes and he also goes onto a more emotional aspect of his classroom (and let me tell you, I don't think there were many dry eyes after his standing ovation).

          He goes into what is so special about his position and why he feels honored to be able to teach here at Perkins School. He shared about how Perkins School is rarely the first stop for the kids here, it is usually the last stop of a long list of unsuccessful placements. When a child first comes into his classroom he sees the hurt, pain, mistrust, disappointment and apprehension in their eyes as well as in their art work. He sees a part of these kids that others may not see because art is an outlet for these emotions when no other way of expression has worked. At this point in his speech he was over come by emotions himself that he just stands there for a minute not saying a word, as tears run down his face. He finishes up his acceptance speech with a comment about being honored to be allowed into these very special children's world and to see who they are and then draw them out to be who they can become!

          I know that my DD#2 has not been at this school very long (only 5 months) but I can already see a change in her. She has gone from a very dark place into a smiling young lady who holds her head up. For well over a year she was drawing pictures of death scenes, bloody daggers, writing "death" with Chinese symbols on her arms with permanent markers. She was over come with these images and ideas in her head. I could never begin to understand why she had this obsession with death other then it being part of her MI.

           You can see the transition that she has made in her drawing books. Pages upon pages of these horrific red and black pictures and then a glimmer of hope, a colorful dragon. Then a flower and some animals. Now, you rarely see the old pictures emerge. She is back to drawing the world around her. She is singing in the choir now, something she stopped doing almost 2 years ago. I know that this rebirth will continue to grow and flourish with staff members like this art teacher. They are their because these kids need them to see the real them. To see the pain inside and to reach past the anger and resentment, to find the child inside. Then to water and nurture them in ways many of us can't. To bring them back to life again!

Tears Never Felt So Good!



          I have never been one that is easily moved to tears, at least on the outside. Every time I have felt those inevitable tears start to creep up, I can usually catch them and put an end to them before they emerge on my cheeks. I don't mind others who have that ability to cry without shame or embarrassment nor do I criticize them for "being weak" or "being easily moved". In all reality, I in a way envy them. I know the bible talk about being envious or coveting others, but I am not sure if this applies in this situation.
          You have to know how I was brought up to understand why I feel this way about tears, but I am not going to open that whole can of worms here. All my life I have 95% of the time been able to block out my emotions and be able to deal with issues on a logical plain. The problem with that way of life is that you also block out the good emotions along with the not so good ones. Yes I have crumbled to the ground in that last few years with my DD#2, on more then one occasion, but that was in the privacy of my own home. I have even "lost it" on the phone more then once with a good friend from church, but again, no one saw it happen so all was ok.
          During our court hearing in May regarding my DD#2, I was floored at what transpired. I knew that my DD#2 was still doing great at her new school (she has been there for 5 months now), she had made the honor roll with 7 A's and 2 B's (first time since 4th grade). I knew that her case manager there was writing the judge a letter with her progress thus far. I also knew that my DD#2 had also written a letter to the judge saying what she liked at her new school and what she didn't like about it, I wanted her to be honest with the judge. When I got to the court house, I was able to read both letters before handing them to the lawyer and can I say WOW!
          The judge was given both letters and read them in front of us with not too much of a reaction (he had a great poker face), and we went on with the hearing. The DA and the lawyer hashed over what they wanted and all that courtroom mumbo jumbo. The judge then decided what he was going to grant and what he was pushing down...................He was so moved by my DD#2 progress AND letter that he read part of it out loud to everyone in the courtroom. Her last line (paraphrased) was "I have now come to realize that it is ok to have bad days but it is not ok to act on those bad feelings." And with that he awarded my DD#2 her very first overnight visit home in 8 months. He said that she has worked hard and deserved it but also cautioned her against acting out while at home.
            As I got up to leave the courtroom, it was all I could do to say "Thank you Judge" as the tears fell down my cheeks. My baby was coming home with me that day and I didn't have to rush her back to school before lights out. I was at a loss for words while we waited for our lawyer to come out with the paperwork to sign, so I could take her home. We drove home in silence because when I tried to say anything, the tears started to build up again and then I wouldn't be able to drive, LOL. I treasured her night home that weekend and we did a lot. We went on a hike and had some friends over, we watched movies till midnight!

          We have had a second night at home and we are coming up on her third night home this weekend and things are still going well. I won't say there is no arguing because lets face it, even the most well behaved kids fight with their siblings, that was just it though. Normal sibling rivalry. No hitting. No kicking. No biting. No yelling even. Just normal sibling rivalry. I never thought I would ever say that I am glad to "referee" an argument, a normal sibling disagreement. Does this mean all is right in our world and that things will never be bad again? NO. Mental Health disorders don't just go away with medication. they just become more manageable.