Tears Never Felt So Good!



          I have never been one that is easily moved to tears, at least on the outside. Every time I have felt those inevitable tears start to creep up, I can usually catch them and put an end to them before they emerge on my cheeks. I don't mind others who have that ability to cry without shame or embarrassment nor do I criticize them for "being weak" or "being easily moved". In all reality, I in a way envy them. I know the bible talk about being envious or coveting others, but I am not sure if this applies in this situation.
          You have to know how I was brought up to understand why I feel this way about tears, but I am not going to open that whole can of worms here. All my life I have 95% of the time been able to block out my emotions and be able to deal with issues on a logical plain. The problem with that way of life is that you also block out the good emotions along with the not so good ones. Yes I have crumbled to the ground in that last few years with my DD#2, on more then one occasion, but that was in the privacy of my own home. I have even "lost it" on the phone more then once with a good friend from church, but again, no one saw it happen so all was ok.
          During our court hearing in May regarding my DD#2, I was floored at what transpired. I knew that my DD#2 was still doing great at her new school (she has been there for 5 months now), she had made the honor roll with 7 A's and 2 B's (first time since 4th grade). I knew that her case manager there was writing the judge a letter with her progress thus far. I also knew that my DD#2 had also written a letter to the judge saying what she liked at her new school and what she didn't like about it, I wanted her to be honest with the judge. When I got to the court house, I was able to read both letters before handing them to the lawyer and can I say WOW!
          The judge was given both letters and read them in front of us with not too much of a reaction (he had a great poker face), and we went on with the hearing. The DA and the lawyer hashed over what they wanted and all that courtroom mumbo jumbo. The judge then decided what he was going to grant and what he was pushing down...................He was so moved by my DD#2 progress AND letter that he read part of it out loud to everyone in the courtroom. Her last line (paraphrased) was "I have now come to realize that it is ok to have bad days but it is not ok to act on those bad feelings." And with that he awarded my DD#2 her very first overnight visit home in 8 months. He said that she has worked hard and deserved it but also cautioned her against acting out while at home.
            As I got up to leave the courtroom, it was all I could do to say "Thank you Judge" as the tears fell down my cheeks. My baby was coming home with me that day and I didn't have to rush her back to school before lights out. I was at a loss for words while we waited for our lawyer to come out with the paperwork to sign, so I could take her home. We drove home in silence because when I tried to say anything, the tears started to build up again and then I wouldn't be able to drive, LOL. I treasured her night home that weekend and we did a lot. We went on a hike and had some friends over, we watched movies till midnight!

          We have had a second night at home and we are coming up on her third night home this weekend and things are still going well. I won't say there is no arguing because lets face it, even the most well behaved kids fight with their siblings, that was just it though. Normal sibling rivalry. No hitting. No kicking. No biting. No yelling even. Just normal sibling rivalry. I never thought I would ever say that I am glad to "referee" an argument, a normal sibling disagreement. Does this mean all is right in our world and that things will never be bad again? NO. Mental Health disorders don't just go away with medication. they just become more manageable.