Many years ago I too was dxed with bp, PTSD (Post Tramatic Stress Disorder) and depression and I went through similar things that my children are now going through. For years I went to counseling and medication management. I was stable on medication for many years and I like many who are "feeling better" stopped taking my medication but continued going to therapy. I wount say it was a good thing to do but I managed to continue to use my coping skills I learned in therapy and it has been about 6 years since I discontinued my medications.
Just because I was able to manage my life and my bp sucessfully for those six years does not mean I will never again have issues with my bp. During times of increased stress or medical illnesses, my bp and depression does show its ugly face to remind me that I too need help still. For the majority of the time, I can cope without medication and therapy but I always have to keep it in the back of my head that I can have a relapse and need to be able to realize when to seek threatment again.
After my DD #2 came home from her 4th inpatient stay, you would think that would be a joyous moment and things would be upbeat for her coming home. I couldn't understand why I was so down that evening and into the next day. I didn't want to get up out of bed, didn't want to go to the chat rooms that I was involved in for years now. I didn't know why I was feeling sick to my stomach when ever I even thought about food. I didn't even want to play a game with the kids or anything. It took me a few days of feeling this way before I even realized that my depression was peaking inside me. Why would I become depressed after my DD was home? Why not while she was in the phosp (Psychiatric Hospital)?
I know for me when one of my DD's is unstable and it is bad enough for an inpatient stay, my mind focus's on that and nothing else. With the last phosp stay I was awake for 38 hours with only a 30 minute nap at about the 23 hour mark. I was working on what I like to call auto pilot, do what needs to be done during the first 48 hours, then and only then can you relax enough to get some sleep. This last stay was different from all the rest of them due to some issues that my DD #2 and I have been dealing with for three months now, which I can not get into at this point. So my typical call list involved the school, doctor, therapist and support coordinator now included several more names and contacts.
Also because of these added issues it added more meetings then usual as well. I don't believe a day went by without a meeting on top of my normal working hours and home life with my other children.There is no time to "break down" and allow my feelings to surface. I got to the point where I honestly hated making those calls to the support people because I hated hearing the "What can we do for you during this time? How can we better support you and the other children?" At one point when our church Youth Pastor asked me this question I broke down on the phone and said "I don't know anymore, all I know is I can't take much more of this".
Where hospital stays are so hectic, once the child comes home it is sort of a let down in your auto pilot and your emotions come rushing in all at once. It took me several days before I could even get up enough gumption to call my PCP to make an appointment to go in and see him. Sometimes we as parents don't even realize we need help because we are constantly doing for our children that we are too tired to look into why we feel the way we do. In order to do for our children we need to be able to make that self inventory check list frequently because if we don't and we allow it to get out of hand, who will be there for our children? This is true even for those parents who do not have MI to deal with.
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