Brave Little Voice

          I was sitting here this evening watching a movie that I have seen already several times yet new things pop into my mind every time I see it, that's the benefit of watching things more then once. This particular evening something about this movie hit me hard. I was watching the movie, Soul Surfer, and it had come to the part when Bethany was taking to her Christian friend after her accident and her friend had asked her how she was doing. Bethany replied in her "brave little voice" that she was doing ok. The next statement from her friend is what brought back a flood of memories from the past 15 months. Bethany's friend said, "don't be like that" and then Bethany replied with how she was really doing and feeling.
          So many times we go through life and hardships using our brave little voice and glossing over how we are really doing. When someone asks how we are doing or if we need anything, we smile and say that we are doing fine and not in need for anything. In reality you need a shoulder to cry on, someone who understands and does not condemn, you just need someone to hold your hand. I am famous for doing that...........using my brave little voice and trudging along as best I can.
          The past 15 months have been more then a faith and teaching time for me. My faith in God has carried me through more then I thought I could ever go through. In addition to straightening my faith it has showed me that I am not the strong, nothing can hurt me, type I thought I was. I recall talking to our Youth Pastor and when he asked how I was doing, my little brave voice ran away and I sobbed and was real with myself for the first time in my life. I couldn't go through this life anymore on my own. I needed help and I was finally so far down that I had to look up to see the bottom.
          Even though I hated to cry, specially in front of anyone, never mind on the phone, I was me. Not my brave little me but the hurting, broken me. The me that needed help.  This was a turning point in my life. This was the time, as a good friend once said to me, to shut up and take their help. I used to have such a difficult time allowing others to help me and I still do from time to time, but I am getting better with it. That once strong brave little voice has now become the little engine that could.............with help that is.