In talking with my DD #1 regarding this book, I was able to take this time to chat frankly with her. Share some of my heart with her and to show her how proud I am with the fact that she is taking a struggle within her life and turn it into a good outcome. I also took this time to be able to explain to her what she is getting into when sharing about something that is so dear to her heart. The dangers of sharing intimate details of her life.
I was able to also share with her what I went through in regards to the healing process. How it took years for me to reach where she is today. How it wasn't until just 3 years ago that I was finally able to forgive this neighbor of what he did. Also how it wasn't until my father's dieing days did I realize that I had missed so much with my father because of the resentment and anger I held onto. Yet even with the forgiveness I verbalized it still took another year or so before I would allow myself to truly walk in that forgiveness.
Not until about 2 years ago that I was finally able to give ALL of my ill feelings and harbored secrets to God and not turn around and pick it back up again a day or a week later. I was able to share with her that it is not only important to verbalize forgiveness and see it as something that will come in time. As you come to the belief that you desire forgiveness, verbalize it and live in it, will you truly be free from its grasp.
This heart to heart time was not without difficulty because I also believe there are just some things I will not share with my children. Things that will not help them or give them strengh to get through adversity. With this being said, there were somethings I just refused to share. I was however able to share some of my thoughts and feelings toward my abuser as well as my father.
The regrets I now have toward my own actions and anger that I held on for so many years. The sorrow toward my children not really being able to bond with their grandparents and their cousins. The running I did for so many years to put space between myself and my family due to the abuse I endured as a child. Granted now they have been given the opportunity to do such things, I regret that it took my fathers death before it happened and it still took 5 more years before I moved back home. It took that long because I went from not having respect for my father, even in death, to allowing myself to move past it and truly forgive him and myself for all those years.
I am praying that through this book, my DD #1 can get to that point sooner then I did. I don't want her to miss out on everything like I did. Missing out on the time that she can never get back. To move past the abuse and come out a victor. It is also this abuse that we both have gone through that we were able to have this heart to heart talk. The time will come when she can do this with others and help them get through it as she and I did.
No comments:
Post a Comment