Worry?

        Here I sit, thinking, pondering, surmising what tomorrow may bring. Will it bring freedom from the hindering thoughts? Will it bring sadness and fear? Will it bring an over whelming grief? Not knowing is driving me crazy! Too many possibilities and nothing I can do about it. I can't stop it from happening nor can I make it go the way I want it too. All I can do is wait and pray for His will to be done. To trust that He will be with us no matter what. He will comfort and hold us till the tears of joy or sadness run dry. He is our one and only comforter and healer. Sometimes I wonder though why we go through what we go through.

        I know we are not supposed to question God nor the ways in which He chooses to work. Is it wrong then to question why? The bible states that we are not to worry about things (Mt 6:25) does this include a healthy fear for our children? These are just some of what I am struggling with tonight. Fear and anxiety are running rampant in my mind. Running so much that it is making me sick to my stomach.

        Normally I do not struggle with this. Normally I am cool as a cucumber in the face of adversity. Tonight though it all hits very close to home. Can I pull the mat out from under these fears and make it crumble at His feet? Yes I most certainly can. This is where my faith is faltering. Putting these fears at His feet and trying to take them with me at the same time.

        When a storm is brewing and your watching it coming closer and closer to you. Growing in size and severity with each step. All you can do is manage and plan for the worst scenario and pray that is enough. You can't do anything to stop the storm from coming to pass. You can't change its direction/path it will take. You can't change what damage it will do.

         Even healthy individuals will succumb to damage at some degree. Some damage will not be seen by the naked eye. Some may only be seen by a trained eye or a discerning eye. Others may be as blatant as the sky is blue. This tree above was a healthy young tree, yet it crumbled under pressure of the winds. No one knew it would happen because it was young and strong. Yet there was nothing that could have been done.

         I am not sure if I too will crack under the pressure. I have faith enough to know that my Lord will carry me through this difficult time but that does not mean I will not worry. Yet in the same sense I wonder, by holding onto this worry, am I saying that God is not big enough to carry it Himself for me? I don't think so but the nagging thoughts that I am not trusting in Him enough still linger. Prayer and faith go a long way. I pray daily that I can release things to God and one of these days I will be able to fully trust in Him.