Unspeakable Things: pt 1

       There are certain things that are not openly discussed in many families. These "taboo subjects" can be positive but for the most part they are negative things. Many of these subjects are "given things" like the old saying, treat others as you want to be treated". Another could be saying please and thank you to those around you. Not all "given topics" are taboo but rather things everyone knows is polite to do.
        The more "taboo topics" are areas that tend to hurt those it is meant to protect. This is seen in families that have "skeletons in the close" or issues that they do not want others to know about. Divorce used to be seen as a "no, no subject" back as late as the 1950's and to an extent even now a days in some areas and religious sects.
        There are more taboo subjects that are out there then I care to list here. Over time and education some of these taboo subjects are no longer kept secret. Such as with abuse and addictions. I am not sure if it is more because of education or because of it becoming so prevalent that it is common talk.
        These are all issues that need to be brought into the light so that we as individuals can stop hiding and get the support and encouragement that we need. Breaking the silence is not always the easiest thing to do, it is rather difficult for some people. By breaking the silence we can over come these boundaries that keep taboo subjects going.
         With this being said, we too have subject matter that is rarely discussed in our home, for several reasons. One of the most common reason we have "taboo subjects" is that it involves my DD #2 and her reaction to certain subjects. With my DD #2 MI, many of the conversations I have to have is done in private because I like to have as much positive comments made as possible. When a child's MI encompasses so many areas of their life and it has a negative effect, I would rather have positive re-enforcement when ever possible. This does not mean that it will never be discussed, it just needs to wait for the proper time and with accommodations made for her.
         When one's day if filled with violence and negativity, day after day, week after week, it is easier to redirect a child in a positive way then it is to continue with the negative feelings and emotions. I have to admit that this is a challenge for me more times then not. Granted there are better outcomes doing it this way but I struggle with the idea that I am not "head of the household" and that I am allowing my child to dictate what happens.
         It is so easy to allow your own mind to have a "hay day" with this but if you sit down and think about it, pulling it all apart, this is incorrect. It was pointed out to me that by choosing to allow the situation to de-escalate does not mean the parent is giving up control. It is instead a choice that safety comes first. Once a situation is de-escalated and there is time in between the situation and the "talking it out and pulling it apart" there is a greater chance that it can be avoided in the future.
        As a parent of a child with anger issues, safety always needs to come first, for all my DD's, others around at the time an issue arises as well as myself. For me and I'm sure for others in my position, is hard to handle on many levels. I am working on my own thoughts regarding this way of doing things and I am sure that I will mess up a lot but we as a family work together. One of my favorite sayings is "we may not have it all together but together we have it all". All families need to work together as one unit or it will not have a positive outcome for all.