Loosing Control

          What makes us think that we have any chance at being a good parent? Is it that what we thought was wrong with our parents that we want to do it better then them? Is there some line of thinking that we can do it better if we love our children more when what we perceive we were loved? Are we more knowledgeable then our parents were at our age? Has life really changed that much?
          When you are parenting a child with MI, all these questions float around in your head on more then one occasion during their upbringing. Your own worst enemy is sometimes not far away at all. It is sometimes a battle with your very own thoughts and feelings. Those thoughts and feeling can ultimately change the outcome of your children's lives as well as your own.
          As time goes on and your child grows up and matures, there will be a battle of wits, so to speak. Every parents goes through this at one point or another whether your child has MI or not, its normal, right? As your child gets closer and closer to becoming an adult (adult age I should clarify) the really difficult time comes when those apron strings need to be cut. You have done your best as a parent and you need to let go and sometimes be like an adult bird with her babies and teach them how to fly.
          This process is hard for all parents and it is even harder for parents with MI children. When MI rules the mind and perception of the child, they can't see what is right or wrong. They can't see what the outcome of their behavior leads to. They can't see when what they are saying and doing can hurt them. Their mind is so wrapped up in the MI that their perceived reality is twisted. Is there really a way to show them this and convince them of what they need to do?
          I have tried time and time again with love and understanding, praying to God that her eyes would be opened with no avail. I feel like I myself, am going insane trying to help and guide. I have tried calmly talking and gotten no where. I have tried to explain what is reality and what is irrational, till I am blue in the face. I wish and pray to see just the smallest light in that otherwise dark realm, but I have not seen that. The impatience on my part is growing with each argument. I am quicker to anger then I usually am. I am ultimately loosing control and reverting to sarcasm.
          Oh God, why oh why have you laid this on my shoulders? I can not take this any longer. I am at my breaking point. God, please, bring relief and a renewed spirit in you if this must go on. I can't do it without you. I'm broken and ready to be fixed!