After a particularly difficult time in our life, after the second arrest of my DD#2, there is a calm so to speak. That calmness is not always a welcome event. For the first week or so it is a welcome sight, to finally not be running around with your head cut off. I can finally relax for more then a few moments or hours. Not have to worry about the next blow up. Not have to worry about who will be the next one being attacked. The ability to get more then one or two things done without interruption.
That calm becomes over bearing though after a few days. I sit here finding myself thinking of what else I can do. My house is cleaned from top to bottom. I have arraigned more then one room. Things are caught up that have been put off long enough. I am reminded of too much down time can be dangerous, mentally.
I sit here day after day about what has transpired over the last few weeks. In a way wishing for yet another blow up because at least then I know what I need to do. This quiet after the storm is un nerving, it is too much for me to handle. The memories of what was said in anger come flooding back. I know the words were said in anger and they do not bother me in that regard. The words play over and over in my head because of what happened because of them.
The threatening words were just that ......words. Yet those words have changed our lives, maybe forever. I pray they will just become a changing point in our lives. A change for the better. A change where my DD#2 gets what she needs. A change for the family as a whole. I have to look for the positive in our lives because without positive thoughts, all I have is the damning words. The damning visions of the past. There has to be more. I can not give up now. I need to go on and look up for the strength from Him. To get beyond the silent storms that continue to brew within me.
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