Winds of Change

     We had a particularly difficult time in our lives several years ago that uprooted our family in more then one way. This is when I found out that one of my DD's was being abused by a trusted individual that I had allowed access to my family for almost 4 years. In addition to finding this out I had also found out that my ex-husband had even known about this going on for several weeks and didn't bother to tell me about it. Our whole life was turned upside down and not knowing who I could trust and who I couldn't.
      The night I found out about this I confronted this individual and I was so upset I stumbled over my own words not really knowing what to say. Within 12 hours he had disappeared from our life and on the run from the police. This began a 9 week hunt for him through several states before he was caught and placed under arrest. All of my children as well as myself were interviewed by so many professionals it was making my head spin. My DD wouldn't even leave my side and the other two were very insecure as well and difficult to get them to school. I felt horrible making them go but with all the meetings and doctors appointments with my DD and the upcoming court battle, I needed them to be in a safe place.
       I had to make some really difficult decisions and changes in our lives and moved the family two states away. I needed to be closer to my family and the people I knew would always be there and never have to question if my children were safe or not. Granted my ex-in-laws were great and still are to this day, I didn't feel like I would be able to make it there. There was too much of a reminder for my DD, everywhere she went people talked about what happened. Small communities have a habit of news like this to spread like wildfire. She had kids coming up to her in school asking her about what happened, kids she didn't even know. She would come home crying almost everyday until I stopped making her go.
       We left to go to my mother house at Thanksgiving and I told my children once we were there that we were not going back home. My mother and I drove the six hour drive to get a moving truck and packed up what I could fit in it as well as my mini van. We spent the last night I would live in this state and took off at daybreak and never looked back. I was scared for my children because I had no idea where we would live, I didn't have a job waiting for me and I had no idea what was even going to happen next.
       It would be four long months of filling out paperwork and putting in applications for emergency housing slots everywhere I could find. Four long months of going from one house to another, one family member to another, one friend to another. The children went to four different schools in one year. I began to wonder if we would ever find a place to live or that life would ever be able to get back to normal. My DD behaviors really became getting to the point I couldn't take much more of it. My friends and family were so supportive but I knew our added stress was really waring on them as it was on us.
       I was at the lowest point in my life when all seemed hopeless and my faith was on the line so to speak. I had been raised in the church and had lived my life the best I could. I loved the Lord and raised my children to love God also but I had never really trusted in Him to the fullest extent that I did at that point. I would pray for a roof over our heads and a place to call home but deep in my heart I wanted a house with a fenced in yard in a nice neighborhood. A good church to bring my children up in that had the same beliefs and values I had raised them on.
        I had finally gotten to the point in my life that I  finally said to God, "OK you have all of me, I can't do this alone anymore, I can't be the strong mom and the one who carries it all with a smile and holding my chin high. I can't do it anymore!" I have never cried so much in my life as I did that night in my car, not knowing where we were going or what we were going to do but when I stepped out of my van and headed into my sisters house, I had felt a peace that I can not begin to understand or put to words. I peace that truly passes all understanding, I was standing up tall and head up high. I knew we were going to be alright.
       With a new week starting and a faith renewed in me brought news that could only have been God sent. There was an emergency opening that I had applied for and if we wanted it, it would be ready in a week in a half. Praise God, we had a home! I didn't care that it was an hour away from my family, I didn't care that I had never even heard of this town, I accepted the slot without even seeing it. I knew this was a God given placement and when I saw the place I began to cry because it was more then what I had been praying for, it was my hearts desire plus so much more that I would find out in the years to come.
        This house meant more to me then just a home. It was a new beginning and new start to our healing as a family. A place where abuse has no hold on us and place where we could grow and heal. To say that we have adjusted to this new life would be an understatement. My faith in the Lord has multiplied and grown int he years we have been here and I hate that it took this incident before I realized how much I was missing in my relationship with God but I am so happy I finally made the choice to allow Him to be Lord in my life, totally and completely.