Brick Wall or Going Strong?

         

          Ever feel like you are running against the wind? Feel like no matter how hard you try that it seems like one step forward, two steps back? Better yet, do you feel like you would have better results if you were to bash your head against a brick wall? Sometimes this is what it is like when you are dealing with a MI individual who is unstable. There is no chance at reasoning with them. You try and try with very little results because your loved one is portraying that ever so common illusion that they do not care. This is a common coping mechanisum that MI individuals use. The whole "I don't care" attitude is a way to show others the walls that have been built inside for protection. To those who can tell the difference between the walls and the true none caring attitude of adolencence is not always the easiest thing to deal with. You have to carefully get past those walls without reinforcing them.
         Too many times, well meaning people try to get past those walls with battering rams and billy clubs. These attempts a good percentage of the time just blows up in their faces and just shows the MI individual that they can not be trusted. Getting past the walls takes time, patience and a little bit of TLC. One needs to get to know the person in addition to the situation in which the meeting took place. Trying to move too fast and digging too deep will almost always result in failure, resentment and/or the brick wall refortification.
          Being the mother of two MI children, I have got way too many hours under my belt with defensive moves and even more with offensive moves. I choose my battles very carefully and it sometimes rubs me raw as a parent. I have to choose with wisdom and understanding that I may at some point be able to regain control of my household. It takes a lot out of someone to loosen the reigns when you can see the outcome of poor choices. Its all I can do to not try to "save" my children from the effects of their choices. My DD #2 wanted so bad to walk out the door the other day, all puffed up and mad at the world. I had to stop her and remind her what the outcome would be to walking out verses staying at home. I had to be prepared to act on her choices and follow through with what I had to do, no matter how much I wanted to just protect her.
          I know this is part of being a parent and loving the children God made for you. He knew what you can handle with His help. I also know that some children can be defiant and hard to handle but there is a difference between a typical teen and a teen with MI, I have gone into this before so will not revisit it again. I just wish there was a manual or a book of suggestions and ideas in dealing with MI children. I also know that not every thing will work every time so maybe a book or manual would not be a good idea other then give you a list of things you had not thought of. I feel like I am talking in circles here so I think it is time to end this entry. Good luck to those who are struggling as I am. Be good to yourself and those you love. Go forward with the wisdom God has placed within you and always smile.