Heartstrings

      One of the biggest challenges we as parents face, is having to wait. As a mother I have spent years kissing away boo boo's and hugging away the boogie man. We spend a great deal of time teaching our kids that you can do anything you put your mind too. That nothing can stop you if you are determined to achieve the goal. Yet life can throw you curve balls all over the place and hinder your ability to do things no matter how hard you work.
      There are times in life that we as parents can not just kiss it and make it all better. Sometimes our children have to go through that pain of rejection in order to "learn a lesson". It is also healthy in a way for a person to go the hard road "it will make um stronger". Then there are the times that you know that the defeat will really scare them but there is nothing you can do to stop or protect them. Those are the truly tough times for a parent to watch.
      When you are dealing with a child that has MI, those times become all too familiar. Those late night calls from the phosp that your child has had to be placed in a hold. The nights where they are so out of control that they get chemically restrained. The times that you know if you were there you would want to melt into the wall and cover your ears because hearing them scream and cry is too much for you to bare.
      These are the times when you want so much to bring them home and hold them until "it" passes. Telling them "I love you baby" just doesn't seem to help them anymore. You can see the pain in their eyes that no one else can truly see. Then the calls come with them sounding so sad and hopeful that you will come and visit them. Or when you plan to go but something stops the visit from happening.
       The pain is no longer just theirs, you too have it building up inside you. The same pain in your eyes and the tears that come in a heartbeat when you talk about them. Always trying to keep a positive attitude because you don't want them to know it too hurts you to be away from each other. With every passing day that you are apart, it gets hard and hard to maintain your composure, but you put on the smiling face and go on with your day.
       So many can not see how bad it hurts you. So many can not even understand why you get so upset. They don't understand that a mother's heart breaks even when it is hurt by our children. It does not matter that your child has just punched you and attacked you, the heart still breaks for them. The heart still longs to be together. Nothing will stop that yearning.