Day after day, week after week, month after month, you experience difficulty. You begin to think to your self "will this ever end?" or "will this ever get better?" With each passing day, week, month and even year, you get worn down a little more ever time. You start to question things and wonder if your the one going insane and not your child.
These are some of the things that have gone through my head at times. I am even guilty of wondering what my life would have been like had I not had the children I have. How it could have been different had my DD's not had MI issues. Those are the times I kick myself for even thinking that way. Telling myself, " you love your kids, why are you thinking about what life would be like without them?"
Then when you think life couldn't get worse, you gets some news you never want to hear again. The words that stab you right in the heart and play over and over again in your head. Your heart sinks because you know that there is not a darn thing you can do about it. Pray, pray, pray, that's all that comes into my head, praying without ceasing.
You do what ever you can to get the words out of your head. Music blaring? TV going without watching it? Cleaning till you drop? Anything that works will do but it never truly takes it away. It only leaves it for later. How can we deal with all this information? How to deal with more new information around every corner? My goodness it is almost overwhelming, too much.
Too many times I sit fighting the tears because I can't get things out of my mind. Tonight is one of those nights unfortunately. I have closed and opened this post so many times that if it was written on paper, it would have shredded into pieces by now. So I must end this and maybe I will finish a different one, LOLOL.
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