Parenthood does not come with a manual, many times I wished it had. So when dealing with children in general, one has to go on your gut instinct in how to deal with different situation. This is why some situations turn out one way with one child and the same situation in a different child could turn out differently. With enough interaction with a particular child you can pretty much ascertain a positive or negative outcome of a situation. This does not mean it will turn out exactly as you thought it would, every time.
When my DD #2 came down stairs one evening and told me she was not feeling safe I questioned why she felt that way. She began talking about not feeling safe around DD #3 because she had tried to push her down the stairs. This was not a mean or harmful act on the part of DD #3, it was only a goofing off time involving DD # 2 and DD #3 that continued up the stairs on their way to bed, thus was not done with malice intent. Once this was explained to her, she then moved into the fact that she wanted to go back to the phosp because she didn't feel safe here with her sister.
Trying to explain to a child that they can not live at a phosp is a delicate process. You don't want to make it so they cringe at the idea of a phosp stay if it is needed to achieve stability but you want to make it "bad enough" that she doesn't want to go there in the present when it is not needed. Just like a criminal in prison that can not function outside of those walls and re-offends to get placed back in prison, this can also happen to a person who suffers from MI. In the phosp, DD #2 feels safe because she has a staff full of people who will keep her safe even when she doesn't want to be safe. This can become an addictive behavior for her and we needed to work toward her not needing these measures to feel safe.
At this point I had asked her if she wanted to sleep in my room with me but she said no and continued on with wanting to go back to the phosp. I ignored all comments about the phosp because I had known that once DD #2 was focused on something, it is not easy to redirect her and that ignoring those comments and talking about other things was my best chance. I then asked her if she wanted me to sleep in her room with her and again the answer was no. That in itself told me she really wasn't feeling unsafe enough to warrant her wanting to be with me like she had in the past.
Once I realized this I knew this was her way of trying to get back in the phosp, she knew what she needed to voice and say that would normally cause anyone to act on it and place her inpatient. I decided at this point to do something that could potentially back fire on me and walked past her and started up the stairs. Once I was past her and I knew she wasn't following me, I said something to her without stopping my climb up the stairs. I told her without looking at her, "well I am going to bed and if the voices really want to kill you then they will do it whether you are upstairs with me or down here by yourself." To my relief, DD #2 ran up the stairs behind me begging me "don't leave me mommy, don't leave me".
Once I had her upstairs that was one step closer to getting her to lay down and go to sleep. She refused to lay down and instead sat on her bed saying she was going to stay up all night and I replied with "ok if that is what you want to do" and left her in her room alone. I was not too concerned with her resorting to SI (self injury) but I also wasn't totally discarding that idea and I went to bed fully dressed in case I needed to bolt for any reason.
Soon I heard some movement in her room and just laid there listening to see if I could figure out what she was doing. After about 10 minutes and I couldn't figure it out I got up and went to check on her. I was shocked by what I saw because I wasn't expecting it and asked her what she was doing. "I'm cleaning my room. Its one of my coping skills" she replied as if it was a common thing that she did. All I could say was "oh! ok" and walked back out of her room dumbfounded.
I don't know if I was more surprised that she was using a coping skill without having to be guided to do so or if I was shocked that she was cleaning her room without three days of threatening to take a trash bag in there and do it myself. This defiantly wasn't the outcome I had expected at all. It wasn't even in the realm of my thinking regarding my DD #2. This was totally out of her character. I had imagined a rage that would end in an unnecessary phosp stay or even in her coming into my room crying and laying down with me but for her to clean her room????
The dangerous game of Russian Roulette is very similar to the game you play with MI. You never quite know what is going to be the outcome. Violence, rage, suicide, SI or many other negative outcomes. Sometimes you get the pleasant outcome like I had that night. Expecting the worse and instead getting the unexpected.
No comments:
Post a Comment