As I sit here, like many nights, I wonder why my DD what I see as self sabotage. They want so much to succeed at things in their lives yet they do so many things that act in the opposite way. I often wonder if they even connect their actions with the outcomes. They work so hard to achieve just small steps forward and instead take one or two backwards.
My DD # 1 is looking at college's and thinking about her future but yet she has not been away from home for more then 4 days at a stretch, not even to sleep over friends homes more then twice. She also deals with some good size anxiety issues and instead of taking her medication for it, she just lets the fear build up until she explodes on an unsuspecting bystander. I am all one for trying to do things without the need for medications, as you learn to cope and deal with issues, sure try to go without medications for a while. When it can be proven time and time again that the way you are coping is not working then maybe you need to look at it differently.
Another area I see often with DD #1 is her desire to get a job. She takes the effort to go and pick up applications and brings them home, fills them out and then doesn't turn them back in for months and by then the position has been filled. She has never been able to handle a regular job, even babysitting, for more then a handful of months. Yet she stills longs for a job.
DD #2 has just reached the age where she wants to work and like her sister, she doesn't think all the way through things. They both went to "interviews" last week, a job that was lined up by an agency that we get services from set it up for them, yet DD #2 acted very child like during the meeting. This behavior is not looked at as a good thing, thank God for the agency that set this up and arraigned for DD #2 to have a one on one person go with her for the first several weeks of work to insure she can handle it.
This opportunity will be great experience for both of them and it will be doing something they both enjoy. The "job" they will be doing will first start out at 2-4 hours a week, because they are both still in school, and their hours could be increased as summer approaches and they can handle more hours. I am always concerned about what their lives will be like if this behavior continues to impact their lives. I know that they will qualify to stay with this organization that has set this "job" up for them but I would love to see them be able to live on their own, like any other parent.
Both of my DD's are excited to begin working yet in addition to the childish behavior from DD #2, she has it set in her head that she wants to live at the phosp. She has tried numerous times to "get sent back" and verbally said she wants to go back, "to feel safe". She likes the feeling of having staff ready and willing to keep her safe even when she doesn't want to be safe. I don't think she realizes though that if she "lived" at the phosp they are not going to let her out to "go to work". This is the thinking I wonder if they even connect these things.
So tomorrow is the "big day" when they get to see all the different area's that they can work in and decide where they will fit best in. They get to find out what there duties will be and what is expected of them. I am praying that they will be able to manage their emotions and their abilities to do the job that is asked of them. I know they can do it, I just pray they know they can do it too. It's a big step for both of them.
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