You all have probably watched or at least heard of the movie "The Wizard of Oz" and the character's Dorothy, the Tin Man, the Lion and the Scarecrow. Dorothy spends the whole movie trying to find her way back home where the Tin Man was in search for a heart. The Lion was searching for bravery and the Scarecrow was looking for a brain. This movie has some commonalities in the life of someone with MI.
When one has a MI it is like a fairytale in the sense that somethings just don't make sense. Things don't necessarily follow a rational thought process and we may be left scratching our heads when something may seem totally correct or rational to the individual with MI. In order for us to understand why this person does what they do we need to begin to figure out why they think the way they do. Once we can figure out what is important to them and their thought process we can begin to piece together the puzzle.
Everyone in this world is searching for something that is lacking in their lives. You could be searching for a bigger and better house or car. You could be searching for a job that fits your idea of the perfect job. You could be searching for your true love or your soul mate. All of these and many more are very much a rational desire and in some sense natural, healthy goals. When a desire is extreme in nature or have an unrealistic achievability (if that is even a word, LOL) this is when it becomes an issue.
To someone who has issues with MI sometimes the achievable goal is beyond what would be viewed within normal parameters. If you think about the characters in this movie, the Tin Man is looking for a heart yet he has the ability to feel which in a way proves he has a heart. The Lion is in search of courage yet he stands up to the wicked witch of the west, again proving he has what he is looking for. These examples are similar to the thought process of a person dealing with MI.
My DD #1 for years looked for the love she thought should get from her father, although this is on its own could be seen as a normal teen looking for acknowledgement, she took it to a new abnormal manner. Instead of seeking out a positive way of seeing this like sharing a like interest or doing something special with dad, she did the opposite. She did things that got her in trouble and when the negative aspect of their relationship happened as a result of her actions she would say "see I told you he didn't love me".
Granted you and I could see that this behavior was the wrong way to "prove her father's love", she saw it as the only way and still does to this day. You can try to talk to her and explain to her that her father does indeed love her in his own unique way. She may even agree that her way of "proving it" is a convoluted way yet she doesn't really believe it inside. This is proven time and time again as she continues to sabotage her relationship with her father regardless of what he may or may not do. All the positive "good aspects" of their relationship are viewed as "staged attempts" by him, in her mind.
When dealing with some similar thought process's of my DD #2, she needs to have an almost constant outward stimulus to feel wanted or loved. She needs to be doing something physical almost every day because when she has "down time" she begins to experience difficulties. As long as I can keep her physically and/or mentally active whether it be going for what we call "sense walks" or hiking in the woods or collecting rocks on the beach, she is pretty stable. She is always "looking for home" like Dorothy, when what she is looking for can be found inside her. She desires a centering of her being, being happy with what or who she is.
My DD #2 is very much a creative, "artsy type", mental person, trying to "find herself". No one can do this for her but by keeping things going for her allows her to experience different things. We take what we find, whether it is rocks from the beach or items in nature like sticks and leaves, we bring them home and do something with them. We have painted rocks with either scenery or if the rock looks like something, we do that. We have taken nature items and arraigned them on the table with lighting and proceed to draw it. This allows her to use her mind and her creative side after some physical activity.
I try to have her experience things that are positive and productive so that she can be able to see, touch and feel things that she did. A positive thing that is tangible and can remind her of the good that she can do when she puts her mind to it. My DD #2 has an issue with placing blame on others for her own actions instead of taking responsibility for herself. I pray that if we can show her enough of the good she can and will do when she puts her creativity to work, then the negative behavior will fall to the wayside.
Both of my DD 's have issues that many of us have on any given day. The difference in someone who has MI is that you don't just "get over it" or "out grow it" as if it is a phase. People with MI truly and whole heartily believe it to be true. It may take months or years of repeated positive behavior before one realizes this as faulty thinking. In some this may never be reached but we continue to try, day after day, week after week, month after month. Praying and hoping for that day to come when "light dawns on bedrock".
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