The storms of life are different for everyone, this includes those who have MI and those who do not. Many times families try to "hide" those storms in fear what others may say or look at them differently because of them. Yes there are some things that do not need to be publicized for all to see and there are other things that shouldn't be kept a secret and sometimes there is a very fine line here. Some things need to be changed in order for others to realize that they are not alone.
Due to the fact that I have a degree in the Human Service field, I had the opportunity to study and learn about mental health and some of what those who suffered from it went through. Even with all that is written about MI, I felt like what I went through with my DD's was not typical. I know differently now that I have had the opportunity to talk to other parents about what they go through. I believe that in order for other parents to fully understand that they are not "the only one" dealing with some very unsettling issues, someone has to speak up and share the "storms of life".
A typical week for our family usually involves at least two fights between my DD's. Yes this is very typical in most families that have more then one teenager in the same home. What is not typical is to the extent of those fights. The fights usually end in having to physically restrain one of them so that there is no blood shed or bodily injury, and no that is not an exaggeration.
An example of such an outburst or what many of the parents I have talked to, call them rages, because they are truly a rage full fit. One time my DD #2 was having a specially difficult day and became pretty force full and I ended up having to hold her down on the floor until she calmed down. While I had straddled her on the floor and held her wrists loosely above her head she had full use of her legs and feet. I was repeatedly kicked in the back and the head. I had no way of holding her legs at the same time as having her arms. With her feet she had successfully knocked down the book case beside us that housed our movies. During this whole rage , as with every rage where I had to restrain, I would calmly repeat just a few sayings like "its ok, calm down" and "I love you". I had learned that staying calm and having a calm voice during a rage meant shorter rages. I also learned no to comment back to what she has said and that is why I say the same thing over and over again.
When I took my attention off of my DD #2 and calming asked if my DD #1 could get the book case off of us and move some of the movies so DD #2 and I would not be hurt on them. In the 30 seconds it too me to say that to her and focus back on DD #2, she was able to pull her head up high enough to grab a hold of my forearm in her mouth. I first calmly told her that she was hurting me and for her to please let go of my arm, with no response to my question other then a firmer hold on my arm, I took an inventory of what was going on. I knew she didn't want to hurt me, she was only interested in getting me to let her go.
I had to make a decision and fast, do I let go of her arms to get my skin out of her mouth and take the wrath of her punches to my chest? Or do I keep a hold of her arms and figure out another way to free my arm? What is the lesser of two evils so to speak. Chose to just slowly pull my arm out of her mouth and keep her arms secure. She did eventually calm down so that I could release her and her usual after math of her rages, went upstairs and slept for over an hour. When she woke up she got right to work cleaning up the movies she had knocked over.
For years I would not speak about the things that I have posted above because I didn't want others to know how bad it had gotten. Yes I needed help with my DD's but in the same sense I didn't want others to see it. I didn't want to loose my DD's and I was afraid that if anyone knew how bad it was they would be removed from my house for every one's safety. It wasn't until it got even worse and more frequent did I finally start to tell others what was once hidden, but not anymore.
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