To Be or Not To Be

     This simple yet complex phrase from William Shakespeare can be looked at and torn apart into many ideas and theories about life itself and our existence. Who shall we be in our life and what shall we accomplish, what are our goals in life. These are just some of the questions that go through every human being's mind at one point or another. Teens are asking these questions as they decide if they will continue their education beyond High School.
     Teens are not the only ones who think about these things. Those adults that are going through what is commonly called a "mid life crisis" do the same things. They look at their life and make changes because they feel they have missed out of some things. People who experience a drastic change in their lives also go through these question. When my father passed away in 2001, my mother was faced with some of these questions. She had be married to the same man for almost 50 years and now he was gone, what does she do now? How is she supposed to face each new day without her man beside her?
      All of these instances are a healthy form of stress because it causes you to act. When these things are dwelled on or drawn out for an abnormal amount of time and begin to negatively effect ones life, then this needs to change. Also you need to look at the reason why these thoughts come about. Is it due to a good kind of stress or change in your life or has it come about as a result of a negative experience. Just because something happens due to a negative experience doesn't necessarily mean that it continues to be negative either. Many good things came about because of a negative situation but that does not automatically make it a negative thing. It all depends on how you look at it and see something come to pass.
      This is true when dealing with MI. The illness in itself is not a positive situation but what becomes of it can be. With the right supports in place in someones life, they can most defiantly have a positive outcome, if the person is willing to use those support faithfully. If we look at my DD #1 situation, she is looking forward to life after High School and what she wants to be or have as a job, she has her heart set on being a writer. Due to her LD's that involve her ability to correctly use the English language, she will have a difficult road ahead of her. She also is very stubborn like her mother and does not take the answer no too lightly and will fight for what she believes in. This is a good trait for her because she will work until she achieves her dream.
      On the other hand my DD #2 has not reached the age of looking toward her future as of yet but that doesn't mean she doesn't act on things going on in her life. Her MI affects so much of her life that it makes it difficult for her to manage her day to day life without medication and a strong support team helping her constantly. Unlike her sister, DD #2 deals with heightened auditory hallucinations during stressful times in her life. Granted she is aware that these voices sometimes deal with negative suggestions and she has to decide whether to do as they say or ignore them but it is not always as easy as it sounds.
      If you think about that old commercial with the man that has a little "devil" on one shoulder and a little "angel" on his other one, both trying to get the man to do what they want. Now imagine having to walk around with that going on in your head all the time and not just in stressful situations. Imagine having the "bad" one constantly telling you that you are no good, or that your better off dead? What if all you head was a twisted version of who you are and that you can not do anything right? What would happen to your ego. the inner most part of who you are? Day after day, week after week, month after month.
      When we hear about how abused people can be brain washed into thinking the way that their abuser thinks and how horrible this is. How it takes many many months and even years to undo what someone has done to them. We can understand and can feel sorry for one that has been through that. How about when instead of having an external person doing this, it was an internal voice saying these things. Why can we not understand this? Why is it beyond our realm of sympathy and why do we just try to discard these people?
      I think the reason we dismiss them is because we do not understand or because people have tried in vain to reach these people with no avail. After years and years of dealing with this, sometimes the person is "lost" or so beyond help that they no longer want the help. Some people even like the voices, they keep the individual company so to speak. The voices tell you what to do that way you don't even have to "think" because the voices do it for you.
      It saddens my heart to think that there are those out there that want to keep their "voices". To think that their lives mean more to them with the voices present. My DD #2 has said on more then one occasion that she likes her good spirits (that's what she calls the voices) and wants to keep them, its the bad ones she doesn't want. Unfortunately you can't take medications for just the bad ones. She is torn between taking the medications and loosing both of the spirits or not taking it and having to deal with what the bad spirits say and "make her do". To be or not to be, that is the question that she faces. Its not an easy decision nor is it an end all choice.