Misunderstanding

       When someone does not know all the facts or the situation fully, there leaves a lot of room for misunderstandings regarding a situation. Like in this picture to the left, is this a joyous moment or a upsetting time for this girl? The facial feature suggests that it is a solemn, serious time yet her dress suggests a happy time. Who is to say what is surrounding this little girls day. Rest assured that this girls day was a joyous one, it was the day her father married his second wife. The photographer wanted it to be a sweet picture that she will remember the day and how she felt to be shown even years later.

     Too many times people misread a situation by looking at the facts and not what was motivating the behavior. My DD #2 is dealing with just that in the court system. The lawyers involved are taking the facts of her case without looking at why she did what she did to get herself in trouble with the law. Too many times we look at just part of a situation and refuse to see the other side.

     This week we found out that my DD #2's past issues are being brought to the table in addition to her current issues. So instead of her facing just two issues, we are facing twelve. What a burden to place of a young teens shoulders. The judge in this case has voiced his opinion regarding the lawyers petition and without really saying so, has reprimanded the lawyer for asking the past to be placed with the present.

      Granted I know that it is the lawyers job to make a case out of facts and paint a picture of the events, no matter how unreasonable the charges are. Too many times innocent behaviors are blown way out of proportion or misunderstood because the background knowledge is not looked at. Even hearing the facts of a case from a medical or mental health side of things, the lawyer may just brush it too the side and refuse to look at it because it would hurt their side of the story.

     Why do things like this have to happen? Why would someone put a child with documented MI be put though this type of situation? Too many out there don't even think MI is really a true defense nor will they every accept that as a point of view. With this being said, a person with significant MI will never get a fair case/trial. It is placed on the shoulders of the lawyers that do believe in MI cases to defend them. No matter how much documentation one has may not be enough though. Misunderstandings can really hurt more then just the MI persons life. It can affect all those around them who love them. Keep this in mind the next time you may see someone doing something odd or weird. Don't be so quick to judge because you do not know the whole picture.

Inherited Genes

          BP disorder is not something that one chooses to have nor is it something that is preventable. You can not get BP disorder because of some kind of trauma, it is something you are born with. Looking back to the infant years of my DD#2, I can now see the difficulties she had as a child in relationship to her ADHD and BP. The inability to to deal with being still, we nic named her our perpetual motion baby. As a toddler and young child I remember wanting to pull my own hair out due to her risk taking behavior. Playing "Pirate" on top of the refrigerator with a large butcher knife or the times she would ride her bike full stream into a large boulder just so she could "fly" threw the air over her handle bars when she smashed into it.
          Just as I see things in her earlier years, I remember times in my younger life where I too did risky behaviors. Setting fires in bushes, walking on top of chain linked fences or climbing up too far into trees. Granted all of these things I listed can be normal childhood behavior by themselves and should not been taken as "signs of mental illness". One needs to look at the broader picture, several incidents grouped together paints the picture. Like in a picture, one line does not make a picture but many lines do.
          As my DD's #2 & 3 got to be a teenagers, they got harder to deal with. The behaviors were no longer something I could manage without medical intervention. Yes they saw their counselors every week but that was not enough. Because BP is a brain disorder, the chemicals in the brain are "off kilter" and medication supplements are what is needed to achieve long term stability. Yes you can go months and even years without medication but at some point your number is going to come up.
         I, like my children, have BP as well as several others in my family line. I was dxed when I was 18 with Multiple Personality Disorder (MPD), which is now called BP disorder. I went for many years without medication until the stresses of raising children got to be too much, and I went on medication. Shortly after my marriage of 7 years ended, I just didn't have the time to go to a counselor between working, college and raising three kids, so I stopped taking my medication. I thought I would be fine without my meds and didn't even think twice about it.
         I managed to achieve stability without medication for almost 10 years with diet, exercise and plenty of sleep, but that did not last. When I began to have legal issues with my DD #2, my life came crashing down around me. I could no longer keep my head above water and I had to go back on medication almost a year ago. I could feel myself going down a long slippery slope and I knew what was at the bottom. I wasn't willing to allow my children to suffer because I was being overwhelmed with grief and depression.
         Medication is not the end all of supports needed for someone with BP. Stability is so very important and sometimes difficult to maintain. One has to want stability for it to work and until that desire is seen and strive for, stability will not come. There is a fine line when it comes to just being stable and being happy and stable. Medication can only do so much for you and then its all up to you to change your thinking, your actions and your own fulfillment in life. So go out there are strive for a full life with or without whether you suffer from MI or not. Make reachable goals and then achieve them and live life to the fullest.

Bailing Out

       The waters come and go in our lives. With each rising storm, you never know how high the waters will get. With each new storm in life, it becomes increasingly harder and harder to weather them. You feel like your slowly drowning and like there is no rescue boat in sight. It's like treading turbulent waters with rescuers all around throwing out life lines but they are just out of your reach.
        I was stuck in that scenario yesterday with no idea what we could do. I had reached my boiling point and ready to blow. The end of my sanity rope and it was quickly fraying. Ready to break into tears at the drop of a dime. I couldn't even write a simple prayer request without tears blurring my vision. Just thinking about what was going on and what was to come, started the flow all over again.
        It is very depressing when you reach this point with a loved one. You see no way out nor do you see an end in sight. Even though I believe in the Lord and believe that He would never give you something you could not handle with His help, it sometimes is not enough. I am not sure if this means this is a lack of faith issue or if it is a normal feeling that all encounter from time to time. Maybe it is even a test to see if I do have faith or if I bail at the difficult times. Who really know.
          I personally do not like these times because my mind wonders and I do not like where it goes. I begin to think that I am not a good parent. I recall some comments made to me over the years and wonder "could those really be true?" I get so tired and worn down that I even consider giving up on my child because nothing is seeming to work at turning her around. I'm even not sure how much I can give her when there is nothing left in me to give.
          It is a hard reality sometimes, to admit your at rock bottom in all areas. The reserve tank is no longer full to dip from. This blog in itself has taken me several days to write, from start to finish, and it continues to be a very challenging time for my DD and myself. I had to sign her into a facility for the 6th time in the last 10 months. I can in all honesty say it is just as hard to sign those papers the first time as it is the 6th time. I don't know how long she will be gone this time, I pray it is short lived but no one really knows.
          I just have to learn to release EVERYTHING to God, even my doubts and fears, everyday. Every hour. and if need be, every minute.

Brick Wall or Going Strong?

         

          Ever feel like you are running against the wind? Feel like no matter how hard you try that it seems like one step forward, two steps back? Better yet, do you feel like you would have better results if you were to bash your head against a brick wall? Sometimes this is what it is like when you are dealing with a MI individual who is unstable. There is no chance at reasoning with them. You try and try with very little results because your loved one is portraying that ever so common illusion that they do not care. This is a common coping mechanisum that MI individuals use. The whole "I don't care" attitude is a way to show others the walls that have been built inside for protection. To those who can tell the difference between the walls and the true none caring attitude of adolencence is not always the easiest thing to deal with. You have to carefully get past those walls without reinforcing them.
         Too many times, well meaning people try to get past those walls with battering rams and billy clubs. These attempts a good percentage of the time just blows up in their faces and just shows the MI individual that they can not be trusted. Getting past the walls takes time, patience and a little bit of TLC. One needs to get to know the person in addition to the situation in which the meeting took place. Trying to move too fast and digging too deep will almost always result in failure, resentment and/or the brick wall refortification.
          Being the mother of two MI children, I have got way too many hours under my belt with defensive moves and even more with offensive moves. I choose my battles very carefully and it sometimes rubs me raw as a parent. I have to choose with wisdom and understanding that I may at some point be able to regain control of my household. It takes a lot out of someone to loosen the reigns when you can see the outcome of poor choices. Its all I can do to not try to "save" my children from the effects of their choices. My DD #2 wanted so bad to walk out the door the other day, all puffed up and mad at the world. I had to stop her and remind her what the outcome would be to walking out verses staying at home. I had to be prepared to act on her choices and follow through with what I had to do, no matter how much I wanted to just protect her.
          I know this is part of being a parent and loving the children God made for you. He knew what you can handle with His help. I also know that some children can be defiant and hard to handle but there is a difference between a typical teen and a teen with MI, I have gone into this before so will not revisit it again. I just wish there was a manual or a book of suggestions and ideas in dealing with MI children. I also know that not every thing will work every time so maybe a book or manual would not be a good idea other then give you a list of things you had not thought of. I feel like I am talking in circles here so I think it is time to end this entry. Good luck to those who are struggling as I am. Be good to yourself and those you love. Go forward with the wisdom God has placed within you and always smile.

Justice?

          Imagine this, your at home and you get a call that you never thought you would get. The call is from your local emergency personal and your at a loose as to what to say. Your child had marched out of your door less then two hours ago angry and wanting to go for a walk to cool off. Now your child is in some serious trouble. Your child had done something that they would never had done had they not been so upset. You knew your child was not thinking and instead acting on adrenaline and emotion, but how can you explain that to them. How can you make them understand about your child. Your child is not the monster that everyone else thinks they are. Too many things float through a parents head when their child is in trouble.
          When my DD #2 got into some tough situation with our local emergency personal, there were many unfavorable comments made by individuals that had no idea what had transpired beyond what the local paper had stated. I know that papers need to sensationalize stories to keep the readers coming back and that in itself needs to change as well. They leave out the information regarding MI but yet they made sure to state that their were previous dealing with my DD #2. The paper did not elaborate that the previous dealing had nothing to do with any type of illegal activity nor did they mention that the previous dealings were getting an ambulance to get treatment for my DD #2.
          What the paper did not fail to say was how old my DD #2 was and what road we lived on, which I am pretty sure is borderline on legal where she is a minor. Granted her name was not mentioned but anyone who knows who lives on our road would know who the paper was talking about. Is that very fair to my DD #2, who has to live in this town? Is it fair to my DD #2 siblings? Now in addition to my DD having to deal with her MI she also has to deal with the name calling and the harassment by other children.
          The age old saying....."sticks and stone may break my bones but names will never hurt me" is soo not true in today's world. When my DD #2 came home in tears because another child was going around telling everyone to stay away from my DD #2 because she is dangerous, was something she was not prepared for. Heck it wasn't something I was prepared for. This was a "boo boo" I couldn't "kiss and make all better". This was something that is going to stick with her. Granted the school handled it and put a stop to it but the damage is already done. What a way to start off High School with.
          Now going back to the training of the emergency personal, if this was put into place then the information that was given to the news paper, would not have happened. It would have just been a little blurb in the police logs area. If the story was never written up as it was then the child's parents would not have put one and one together and known it was my DD. Then my DD would have been spared the harassment by this other child and looked forward to High School like any other teenager.
          It is sad how society has a way of twisting things around and thinking that this is the way things should be. My DD and I did not wish for this to be front page news and be the "talk of the town" but we were. 75% of that talk was not positive nor did these individuals fully understand what even happened. What is even sadder then this is the fact that there were people who not only trashed my DD in their online version that was posted hours after the incident, they trashed our whole family. The funny thing is that after I commented to all of the other comments that bashed me as a parent and how I raised my child, not one single comment was made. I did not bash any of the commenter's nor did I call them names like they did to us. I simply answered their questions within reason and asked them a few of my own. When one is faced with the plain and simple truth, no one seems to have anything more to say.
            So remember this............when you are faced with adversity, think before you act or speak. Think about what will happen by what you say. Anger and uninformed reactions can cause some harm that could be avoided. Think of who will be affected by what you say or do, it may touch someone close to you.

MI or Not?

 

        Thinking along the lines of how our judicial system works has more then once baffled me. It is there for the people to be able to set up a case as to why something was done wrongfully or not. It is there to be a non bias member to make a decision on whether something is legal or not. It is there to make sure justice is served. What many don't understand is that this same system that is meant to protect and to serve our people is also the same system that is sometimes unfair to MI individuals. It locks up people in jails and institutions where the proper mental health issues do not make it into the picture. It is a system that unless it changes how it works that the jails and prisons will soon be inundated with MI people that will only get worse the longer that their MI goes un-checked. Then when they are released back into society, they are worse off then when they went in. Then what will we do in society........we will send them right back into jail.

          I have never been one to have any interest at all in the judicial system. It is confusing to me because I have been ignorant to it. Until now. I just completed a nine month ordeal with the courts system. I have learned so much in these nine months that I am some what more knowledgeable in some aspects of it and even more confused in others. I have not been able to share on this while we were in the process of it but now I can now that it is over, to a point.

          Even when an individual is known to have MI, they are treated no differently then a common criminal. Don't get me wrong here, I believe that MI individuals need to abide by the same laws as everyone else but they need to be handled differently then the average person in order to get the same desired result. If they are not handled properly then a situation can become escalated to dangerous levels for all involved very quickly.

          There needs to be more training for emergency personal in dealing with crisis situation involving known MI individuals as well as suspected ones. They need to learn to see the signs of MI and basic skills in dealing with them these types of individuals. It will make their jobs a lot easier and will allow these individuals to get the correct help needed so that it can be a win win situation for all involved.

          Before this can happen we need to come to an understand though. Emergency people need to understand that MI individuals are not trying to "get away with murder" (figuratively speaking) and want to be treated differently, per say. People need to understand that when someone is unstable, they do things that normally they would not do if they were stable. The goal at that point is to safely remove the MI individual to a safe and secure place for all involved.

          Because of our dealings with the police and court system in the past nine months it has lite a fire under my pants to change who our local emergency personal handle MI individuals. I am on a mission to get Crisis Intervention Teams (CIT) set up in our town and towns around us. These teams will be comprised of emergency personal that have had some basic training on how to deal with MI and the most beneficial ways to handle situations. This is not going to be an easy job to get this type of program into the hands of people who want to see change. If someone doesn't try to get things to improve how MI individuals are treated and handled then their quality of life will diminish. Is this what we want in life, to chastise and hinder these people or do we want to help them? You decide.

Worry?

        Here I sit, thinking, pondering, surmising what tomorrow may bring. Will it bring freedom from the hindering thoughts? Will it bring sadness and fear? Will it bring an over whelming grief? Not knowing is driving me crazy! Too many possibilities and nothing I can do about it. I can't stop it from happening nor can I make it go the way I want it too. All I can do is wait and pray for His will to be done. To trust that He will be with us no matter what. He will comfort and hold us till the tears of joy or sadness run dry. He is our one and only comforter and healer. Sometimes I wonder though why we go through what we go through.

        I know we are not supposed to question God nor the ways in which He chooses to work. Is it wrong then to question why? The bible states that we are not to worry about things (Mt 6:25) does this include a healthy fear for our children? These are just some of what I am struggling with tonight. Fear and anxiety are running rampant in my mind. Running so much that it is making me sick to my stomach.

        Normally I do not struggle with this. Normally I am cool as a cucumber in the face of adversity. Tonight though it all hits very close to home. Can I pull the mat out from under these fears and make it crumble at His feet? Yes I most certainly can. This is where my faith is faltering. Putting these fears at His feet and trying to take them with me at the same time.

        When a storm is brewing and your watching it coming closer and closer to you. Growing in size and severity with each step. All you can do is manage and plan for the worst scenario and pray that is enough. You can't do anything to stop the storm from coming to pass. You can't change its direction/path it will take. You can't change what damage it will do.

         Even healthy individuals will succumb to damage at some degree. Some damage will not be seen by the naked eye. Some may only be seen by a trained eye or a discerning eye. Others may be as blatant as the sky is blue. This tree above was a healthy young tree, yet it crumbled under pressure of the winds. No one knew it would happen because it was young and strong. Yet there was nothing that could have been done.

         I am not sure if I too will crack under the pressure. I have faith enough to know that my Lord will carry me through this difficult time but that does not mean I will not worry. Yet in the same sense I wonder, by holding onto this worry, am I saying that God is not big enough to carry it Himself for me? I don't think so but the nagging thoughts that I am not trusting in Him enough still linger. Prayer and faith go a long way. I pray daily that I can release things to God and one of these days I will be able to fully trust in Him.

Lesser of Two Evils

           The last two weeks my DD# 2 and I have had to face some difficult choices. We have had to have some tough discussions and some one on one time to process things. She has gone from her cheery, active self and then to tears and wanting to be held. It has all been building within my DD #2 and my hearts for the past nine months and we have not even gotten to the hardest part yet.

          How do you explain adult things to a child so that they can understand? It's not an easy thing to do at all. There are some adults that would have a hard time with some of the things my DD #2 is going through. How do you have a child make an adult decision when they do not understand what is going on? Make a choice that could potentially change her life now as well as her adult life?

            How do you choose the lesser of two evils. How can you choose whether your child will be bitten by this spider, or burned with the below flame or to be stung by the lower bee? All three will hurt and all three could change her life if it is bad enough. How do you choose which one to pick? How could you be sure that your child was not allergic to this type of spider or to the bee? Yes they would probably live through a burn by this flame but it would scar her for life. How can a caring, loving parent choose which injury they will allow their child to deal with.

         I am actually at a loss for words here. I have finally come to a stand still with this and not knowing what to say. I have finally hit a plateau in my knowledge about MI and how to deal with this new thing. We have forty eight hours to decide what we are going to do. My brain is wracked with so many things right now, it hurts. What if I go with the spider and she is allergic to it. What about the bee? Is there an allergy there as well? If I choose the flame, this would surely leave her with scars for life. Do I do the flame because I rest assured knowing she will not die from that? Will I hate myself if I choose the lesser of the evils and it turns out to be the worst choose of all and I loose my kid because of the choice I made? Man do I wish there was a magic wand that we as parents could wave over our children as they are sleeping. A wand that would make all of the trouble of today into the victories of yesterday. Many kids don't get to choose what is best for them. Things are chosen for them by adults.

                                                                          So for those of you who are reading this, please keep us in prayer in the next few weeks. Pray that God will be done regardless of what we end up choosing. He will keep us safe, willing and able to handle anything that the devil dishes out to us.

Heart to Heart: pt 3

          My DD #1 wants this book to be a book of success. Success at overcoming abuse and adversity and the road she took to get there. The joys and the heartaches as well as the supports needed to be an over comer. She wants other children to be able to find out that they are not the only ones struggling with this.
         In talking with my DD #1 regarding this book, I was able to take this time to chat frankly with her. Share some of my heart with her and to show her how proud I am with the fact that she is taking a struggle within her life and turn it into a good outcome. I also took this time to be able to explain to her what she is getting into when sharing about something that is so dear to her heart. The dangers of sharing intimate details of her life.
          I was able to also share with her what I went through in regards to the healing process. How it took years for me to reach where she is today. How it wasn't until just 3 years ago that I was finally able to forgive this neighbor of what he did. Also how it wasn't until my father's dieing days did I realize that I had missed so much with my father because of the resentment and anger I held onto. Yet even with the forgiveness I verbalized it still took another year or so before I would allow myself to truly walk in that forgiveness.
          Not until about 2 years ago that I was finally able to give ALL of my ill feelings and harbored secrets to God and not turn around and pick it back up again a day or a week later. I was able to share with her that it is not only important to verbalize forgiveness and see it as something that will come in time. As you come to the belief that you desire forgiveness, verbalize it and live in it, will you truly be free from its grasp.
          This heart to heart time was not without difficulty because I also believe there are just some things I will not share with my children. Things that will not help them or give them strengh to get through adversity. With this being said, there were somethings I just refused to share. I was however able to share some of my thoughts and feelings toward my abuser as well as my father.
          The regrets I now have toward my own actions and anger that I held on for so many years. The sorrow toward my children not really being able to bond with their grandparents and their cousins. The running I did for so many years to put space between myself and my family due to the abuse I endured as a child. Granted now they have been given the opportunity to do such things, I regret that it took my fathers death before it happened and it still took 5 more years before I moved back home. It took that long because I went from not having respect for my father, even in death, to allowing myself to move past it and truly forgive him and myself for all those years.
          I am praying that through this book, my DD #1 can get to that point sooner then I did. I don't want her to miss out on everything like I did. Missing out on the time that she can never get back. To move past the abuse and come out a victor. It is also this abuse that we both have gone through that we were able to have this heart to heart talk. The time will come when she can do this with others and help them get through it as she and I did.

Heart To Heart: pt 2

       What no one knows about this child's home life is that there is an abusive father dictating every one's actions, words and ability to reach out for help. The father is abusive by both physical anger and verbal/emotional abuse. This child felt that they could do no right by the father that they loved so much. This child felt as though the father would not believe them anyway so why bother upsetting him or failing in his eyes. Nothing was worth that, including their safety.
        About  5 years later, the secret was finally put to words and the parents found out. Just as the child feared, the father did not believe what had happened. "Your lieing! Why would you say such things?" is what rang in the ears of that child as the tears rolled down the face. The child thought the worse had gone by but the worst was yet to come. At 16 years old, that child went through the court process without the help of her father. The mother was there to lean on but this was never talked about in the home again. The child again had to suffer in silence.
        Years later this child continued to deal with the abuse in silence. Silence had been easier now, comforting in a way, used to the feeling or lack there of. Blocking the thoughts and feelings from the mind as best the child could. The child was no longer a child anymore and the destructive behavior had become a way of life. Staying drunk, yelling and anger were a coping skill, that worked for a while. When this no longer worked and they had realized what they were doing, it was time to face the fears and memories.
        Just because one wants to "get better" is only half the issue, the hardest part of healing is yet to come. It took years for this person to get past blaming themselves. Years of finally giving the burden to the Lord and NOT pick it back up again. It was years before they were finally able to talk about it without crying and feeling it all over again. Years before they truly could forgive and finish healing. 25 years after the abuse ended I can finally say I have a peace in me that passes ALL understanding. This unfortunately it came 10 years too late to tell my father that I forgive him.
        Yes this "story" was about my own abuse at the hands of two men I looked up to when I was little. The struggle I went through to get to the place I am today is also real.  The regrets I have for not having the relationship I wanted with my father. All those years that were wasted because I was too mad at my father. The years that can't be made up. 
         The reason for going over all of this is because this is what my DD #1 wants to write about, her abuse and how she came out on the other side victoriously. A teenager's story about her own abuse for teenagers to read and see that they are not the only one. Share what worked and what didn't work in her healing process. She has come a long way from where she was 5 years ago but she also has a long road ahead of her. She is further in her healing then I was at her age.

Continued one more time..............

Heart To Heart: pt 1

       As the years go by and you look back on everything that has happened while raising kids, there are memories that come to mind. I had one of those times happen tonight, thanks to my DD #1. She came to me with a book idea that she wanted to work on, one I suggested about 6 months ago. I was a little surprised by this because it was a topic that I didn't think she was ready to work on. A topic that was close to my heart and hers but one that would be a difficult for her to work threw regarding her past abuse.
        Abuse is a difficult thing for anyone to have to deal with and work threw as an adult let alone as a young adult. At some point in one's life you have to face the abuse and what it did to change your life, good or bad. You need to face that fact that unless it was a stranger abusive situation or a sever physical abuse, there was some good memories. Now I am not saying that the abuse itself is good, just that a good percentage of abuse situations that do have pleasurable memories with that abuser as well as negative memories.
         Before you start pounding on me about what I have just said, look at this example of abuse that I am referring to. A child is being sexually abused by a person in their neighborhood. This person is an outstanding person and is married with child of their own (now grown). This person has opened their yard to children in the neighborhood and shows them how to garden, seems innocent enough, right? The child and this person are always in the view of neighbors, nothing seems out of the ordinary. Until one hot day this neighbor asks the child if they want a cold glass of lemonade.
        No big deal back in the 70's for a friendly neighbor to offer a glass of lemonade. This time though, they ask the child to help bring out the glasses for all the other children that are also there. The child was only inside the house for the amount of time it took to make the lemonade and carry it outside. No harm done, right? What you don't know is that the whole time they were inside, the neighbor was touching the child where only a doctor should be touching.
        Ok now you may say, there should not be much that has to be dealt with in five minutes worth of touching, every now and then. The guilt that laid in that child head for years to come started when they realized what really had happened to them as an teenager. Questions lingered in the foremost of their thinking. "Why did I keep going back there after the first time?" "I liked the attention and even the touching, so it's my own fault!" "I was asking for it." "I like working in the garden, so I have to put up with the touching."
        These and many more would float in and out of the mind to confuse the child to the point that they refused to deal with it and that something was messed up with them. They suppressed the incidences further and further down. Not making it go away but yet push it down far enough that it could be buried for a short period of time by drugs, alcohol and/or sex.
        Why didn't this child just tell someone what was happening? More to come with this story .......To Be Continued, in part 2.....

Gotta Have It

       The "gotta have it" belief can be found in both a MI person as well as a stable person with no disabilities. When a person sees something and they get the feeling of, "I can't live without it" or the "I just gotta have it or I'll die", is a common thing in children. This type of thinking usually decreases as a person grows older and more mature, but not always. The Bible also warns against this type of gluttony in the sixth commandment when speaking about coveting our neighbors possessions.
        Now I am not saying that one can not or should not see something and say "man it would make life so easier if I had...." Or "that is sweet, I wish I had that". These are perfectly normal desires but they do not rule over your life or view of things around you. It becomes an issue when it becomes something that is present in your thinking all the time. I have also found that what ever part of the brain that "switch's things around" as we mature in our thinking is either delayed or missing in individuals that are MI.
        I know that I see my DD's friends go thought this and yet my DD#2 gets "stuck" in this mode very easily. She even becomes obsessed in things to a point where I get fed up and tell her "enough is enough, I don't want to hear another word about it". Now my DD #1 went through the faze and came out the other side just as one without MI. So that leaves me questioning. Why do some have issues with this and some don't?
       Is it genetics? Is it temperament or learned behavior? If it is learned behavior, how can two children who are raised int he same way/family, turn out differently? Is there something we can do as parents to raise children who do not covet others belongings? What should we say when our children get the "I gotta have it" mentality? When is that way of thinking becoming a problem?
        Sooo many questions and no real answers to boot, LOL. Gotta love life sometimes and the joys and struggles of raising some strong healthy children. Prepare them to become some strong healthy adults that can become leaders in their generation if they so choose. Good luck to all the parents out there struggling with this issues regardless if your children have MI or not. We have to band together and be strong for them.

Ugly Things

       There are so many everyday things that are compounded when one has MI. There are many times when you have no idea how to get a point or idea across to a MI person, much less a child with MI. The mind is a very complex organ that rules every part of the body. When the mind can not grasp something, it throws everything else out of whack.
       When a child is having a "temper tantrum", regardless of the age, it can get pretty "messy" depending on how they were handled in the past. When a parent ignores the tantrum, most likely each subsequent tantrum is less and less because they do not get the reaction they were looking for. Thus you would think that if the parent ends up coddling or "feeding" into the tantrum, the child will continue to tantrum, right?
        When you are dealing with a child with MI, these tantrums and/or outcomes of tantrums do not always follow suite no mater what the parent may or may not do. Things can become rather ugly very fast with no sign of ending in sight. With the mind of a MI individual, it does not process information, whether it is visual, verbal or physical, the same way as others.
       My DD #1 has LD's as well as MI so in addition to her slow processing rate, her mind is "wired" differently. What we see as serious, she may see as a joke. When others may look at a situation and they perceive it one way, she would perceive it another way. When you think about this as a persons point of view or a personal opinion and that differs from hers, then you are taking the other persons side. She can not see that everyone has their own opinion on the same situation.
        Things turn very ugly when you are trying to explain this to my DD #1. I think I would have better luck bashing my head in with a wall then to get her to understand this point. It is very hard to get her to see other people's points of view without her getting all worked up and stomping off in either tears or swearing and putting herself down thinking everyone is "out to get her" or "taking everyone else's side but hers". In all honesty, we usually end up yelling at each other trying to get our points across to each other.
        I hate to see her in tears over a misunderstanding like this. I have yet to figure out how to deal with this type of situation. The reason it ends like this 90% of the time is because she ends up verbally attacking a sibling and to end that, I end up yelling to the point she storms off. I feel like I am in a tug of war between my children. Hurting one to save another, a no win situation. Why can't life be easier for MI individuals and their loved ones? Why do siblings that get caught in the crossfire end up with anxiety issues themselves? How can you save all the involved individuals from the pain of having a loved one with MI?
       You can't and that is why we must continue to push forward even when we don't feel we can anymore. Just one more step. One more foot. One more yard. One more mile. Sometimes it does get easier but most of the time newer and harder things develop.

Too Much

       There are many times, like parents of children without disabilities, that we are pushed beyond our own knowledge of how to handle certain situations. Much like that of a first time parent, we do what we can with what we are given. We also learn what works and what doesn't as well as different ways to manage.
       With the added stress of a disabled child, situations can push the parent to the extreme of emotions and leave us dumbfounded. I have times when I feel like I want to pull out my hair and not knowing what to do, compounds those emotions. I have too many days where I sit and scream inside because I have tried everything I can possibly think of to help my DD's but nothing works.
       Individuals with MI are somewhat difficult to deal with on a daily basis, and yes I used the word "deal" for a reason. I love my children and nothing they do can or will change that. Working day to day with issue's due to their MI is so much like a job. You have to try things that normally, as a parent, you may not need to do. I struggle with this so much and it wreaks havoc within my own mind and yes at times I feel like a failure to them.
        I remember one morning being woken up at 4:30 am but my two youngest DD's. I got up to find out what was going on. My DD #2 was wanting "time alone" (something we needed to do when she becomes frustrated in order to calm down). I tried to explain to her that she can not request ( on this morning she demanded it) "time alone" during sleeping hours. Within 30 minutes we went from quiet to yelling and becoming physically violent and waking up our neighbors who we not so understanding. In order to quickly calm her down, I removed the youngest of the two from the room and sent her to my bed to go back to sleep.
        I sat on my bed for the next 30 minutes trying to convince myself that marching in her room yelling at her to "do as I say and go back to bed" would not make the situation any better. I didn't like that fact that I was feeling like I was "giving into" her and allowing her to "rule the house". This went against everything within me to allow her time to cool down so that we could go over what happened and what we could do differently next time, because there will be a next time.
        These are the times that I feel like pulling out my hair and screaming at the top of my lungs because of being so frustrated. The times that I sit and cry because I do not know what to do are just as equally frustrating. The only other thing that is more frustrating is when I feel like I have failed. Failed as a parent and a mother. Failed as someone who my children look up to as a protector and provider. Failed as the parent who is supposed to be there for them emotionally and physically and I can't because I am either too tired or drained emotionally.

Which One?

        In an earlier post, I had touched on the age old "Nature Verses Nurture" scenario. Who is to say which idea is correct? As the saying goes, "opinions are like arm pits, everyone has um and some of them stink". Some say that MI is a genetic thing and runs in families. Others say it is all in how you raise a child.
        I have to say that I agree with both theories. I do believe that some MI does have a genetic link to it, in the instance of "brain disorder". I also believe that nurture can play a big role in MI as well, as in depression, suicide and self-esteem issues. We need to educate ourselves on both types of MI so that we can learn how to #1 properly deal with it and #2 to try and avoid the environmental ones.
        I have been blessed, yes I said blessed, with what I believe is both kinds in my DD's lives. I truly believe that my DD #1 has the "nurture" type of MI. I truly believe that if she had not been exposed to abuse in her earlier years that she would be different today. Almost all of her struggles can be linked back to her abuse. I wish I could have changed what she went through, to make her life easier now. She is a fighter and I have seen her grow by leaps and bounds in the last few years.
        My DD #1 struggles with depression, self esteem issues and some pretty significant anxiety as well as the normal "mood swings" of the typical menstruating female (which believe me will cause my own insanity before it is over). Due to her LD's it makes it more difficult for her to understand and hinders her ability to process the abuse sometimes. It also took her years before she realized that the nightmares she experiences effect her waking hour's mood. If she has a rough night it means a rough next day and if that isn't enough lets add hormonal fluctuations into the fire. Talk about blowing a gasket.
         On the other hand of all this, I do believe that my DD #2 has the biological type of MI. Looking back now, the signs of this were even seen in infancy. As young as 6 months old, she hated facing anything. She would begin to nurse and try to take my breast with her as she would look around. She hated being held facing the body, she was only happy if she was facing away from whom ever was holding her. She also hated being still, even as she fell asleep, she would either move her bottom around or giggle a leg. I used to jokingly call her my perpetual motion baby.
         Now I am not saying that any child who does this has a MI. What I am thinking is that those who have the biological side of MI, there is usually signs of it early in life. Even though I see the differences in my DD's MI's, I do not treat them any different and this is where my thoughts vary from many people. Whether MI is biological or environmental, everyone still has to learn to deal with it in order to succeed in life.
         I have to admit that both of my DD's are on medication to help "control behaviors" but there is a definitive difference between the two. I truly believe that my DD #1 will one day be able to stop taking her medication once she has over come the effects of the abuse in her life. Yes she will always have the memories of it and she will always struggle with her LD's but she can ultimately regain control of her life without the need for medication.
        My DD #2 on the other hand, I truly believe she will always need medication to remain stable and on an even keel. Yes she has a lot of work ahead of her to be able to manage her MI, but she too can live a long and happy life once stability is achieved. Both of my girls have a road they need to go down in order to come out on the other side. Each of their roads are going to have different road blocks, dips and valley's but both will eventually come to the same crossroad. The crossroad called decision. Do we choose the road that leads to happiness or the road that leads to confinement? The decision is up to them, no one else can make the choice for them.

Unspeakable Things: pt 2

        In addition to what I talked about in the previous post, "Unspeakable Things: pt 1", I wanted to touch on some thoughts that very rarely get talked about. A one's thoughts that are "taboo" regarding their children/loved one. The reason why they would be classified as "taboo" because they are rarely put to words out of fear. Fear that the loved one might find out and also fear that they would be misinterpreted as something else.
        Things that are spoken can be taken in so many different ways. They can be taken at point value, not taking into consideration the emotions that are experienced in the moment. They can be made out of frustration and duress in a very stressful time. They can also be twisted to seem as the unforgivable or abusive/neglectful when that is furthest from the true.
        As with many parents, regardless of MI or not, all get frustrated with their children at some point. Some may even say things in the heat of the moment that they regret later, I know I have done my share of that over the years. Parenthood does not come with a manual that gives all the little secrets of child rearing nor is there a cheat sheet to follow. The same goes for children who have MI. Yes there are books out there and people who are trained to treat people with MI, but as I have said before, it is a soft science. Not everyone is going to react the same way and what works one time may not work again.
        When you live with this day in and day out, it is very stressful and trying. Sometimes you wish that your loved one wasn't around for a little bit, just to give you a break. I know I have gone through times when I wish they were gone from my life, only to feel like crap that I had even allowed that thought space in my conscience mind even for a few seconds never mind minutes, hours or even days. I have dreamed of what life would have been like if I wasn't always wrapped up in their life and how to make them better. I have even resented the fact that they had MI, that they ruined my life and I can't have a life outside of them.
        Now before you judge me on my thoughts or how could a caring and loving parent say things like that, think about what you would do if you were in my shoes for just one day, one week even one month. Then you take that and multiply that 10 fold and that would only give you about a months worth of what I feel. Try doing that for the typical, 18 years of a child's life at home. Even better yet, multiply the feelings 100 fold and that might just cover the typical 18 years with two children with MI.
        Now also look at this, what I have said in this post, these are just my thoughts. I have never put these thoughts to voice nor will I ever. These are the thoughts of a tired, frustrated parent with no real outlet or sounding board, so to speak. Many people do not truly understand what it is like to have a loved one with MI. I in no uncertain terms would ever give up on my children and I will fight for them even if they do not want it at the time. If I could do anything to allow them happiness and a full life, I would lay down my life for them. If that does not show my love and desire to see them whole and happy, then nothing will. 

Unspeakable Things: pt 1

       There are certain things that are not openly discussed in many families. These "taboo subjects" can be positive but for the most part they are negative things. Many of these subjects are "given things" like the old saying, treat others as you want to be treated". Another could be saying please and thank you to those around you. Not all "given topics" are taboo but rather things everyone knows is polite to do.
        The more "taboo topics" are areas that tend to hurt those it is meant to protect. This is seen in families that have "skeletons in the close" or issues that they do not want others to know about. Divorce used to be seen as a "no, no subject" back as late as the 1950's and to an extent even now a days in some areas and religious sects.
        There are more taboo subjects that are out there then I care to list here. Over time and education some of these taboo subjects are no longer kept secret. Such as with abuse and addictions. I am not sure if it is more because of education or because of it becoming so prevalent that it is common talk.
        These are all issues that need to be brought into the light so that we as individuals can stop hiding and get the support and encouragement that we need. Breaking the silence is not always the easiest thing to do, it is rather difficult for some people. By breaking the silence we can over come these boundaries that keep taboo subjects going.
         With this being said, we too have subject matter that is rarely discussed in our home, for several reasons. One of the most common reason we have "taboo subjects" is that it involves my DD #2 and her reaction to certain subjects. With my DD #2 MI, many of the conversations I have to have is done in private because I like to have as much positive comments made as possible. When a child's MI encompasses so many areas of their life and it has a negative effect, I would rather have positive re-enforcement when ever possible. This does not mean that it will never be discussed, it just needs to wait for the proper time and with accommodations made for her.
         When one's day if filled with violence and negativity, day after day, week after week, it is easier to redirect a child in a positive way then it is to continue with the negative feelings and emotions. I have to admit that this is a challenge for me more times then not. Granted there are better outcomes doing it this way but I struggle with the idea that I am not "head of the household" and that I am allowing my child to dictate what happens.
         It is so easy to allow your own mind to have a "hay day" with this but if you sit down and think about it, pulling it all apart, this is incorrect. It was pointed out to me that by choosing to allow the situation to de-escalate does not mean the parent is giving up control. It is instead a choice that safety comes first. Once a situation is de-escalated and there is time in between the situation and the "talking it out and pulling it apart" there is a greater chance that it can be avoided in the future.
        As a parent of a child with anger issues, safety always needs to come first, for all my DD's, others around at the time an issue arises as well as myself. For me and I'm sure for others in my position, is hard to handle on many levels. I am working on my own thoughts regarding this way of doing things and I am sure that I will mess up a lot but we as a family work together. One of my favorite sayings is "we may not have it all together but together we have it all". All families need to work together as one unit or it will not have a positive outcome for all.

Faith Like a Mustard Seed

       I know I have touched on how important my faith means to me and I wanted to go more in depth about this. I have been attending church since I was born and the journey through out my life. I have had some very heartfelt and momentous times involving the church family. Yes there were times in my life that I didn't always feel this way and for a period of time even walked away from the church. I had filled my life with drinking parties and other things that got in the way of church activities.
       I didn't see church as something worth attending regularly until my DD #1 was walking and started to "repeat some of our favorate words". By the time she was 2 1/2 yrs old, I had pretty much given up drinking and making some better choices in our lives for her. I began going back to church every week and keeping christian praise and worship playing during the day. I felt like things were on the right path for my family, all I needed to do was get my husband (at the time) to go to church with us.
       When my life came crashing down by divorce, I slid into some difficult times both emotionally and spiritually. It took a while for me to pick myself up long enough to see the good things still in my life, my children. I wanted more for them and knew I needed to get back on the right path. We went back to church as well as praying together. The road wasn't always smooth nor was it easy to go. Things have happened that I am not proud of nor would care to repeat ever again.
        Those struggles have brought my faith even stronger. I, at one point, had to give the Lord all the control in my life. I couldn't go it alone and I needed God to give me the strength to handle what I didn't know at the time, would come in our future. I know now looking back, that without God's help, there was a good chance I would not be where we are now.
        When my DD#2 began to exibiting concerning behaviors and praying things didn't get worse, I had to work on releasing everything to God because there was very little I could do for her. My world came crashing down once again because of her MI, and there is NOTHING I could do to protect her this time. This particular incident cripled my ability to help her, it was out of my hands. I sat by trying to figure things out with no avail. This was the start of the hardest 6 months I would ever have to go through in my life thus far.
       My DD#2 spent several weeks out of my home to regulate her MI and get her stable again. My emotions and thoughts were all over the place, not in the bad way though. With frequent pray, worship and leaning on the church family, we have managed to make it this far. I have a peace in my heart to keep moving forward even when I want to give up. I also have a joy with my heart and the eyes to see good even in this negative and stressful life.  God carries me even when I can't go any further and continues until I can walk again in His light. Constantly keep your eyes and heart on Him and He will always charish and hold you.

Cherished Memories

       When dealing with a person with MI, specially with a child, there are so many things that need to be considered in even some of the simplest decisions. You need to look at how stimulating an activity could be to the child as well as a talk out solutions that may arise. In addition to this you need to also look at the child's physical ability to do an activity.
       Some of the medications that people with MI take can impede their ability to do some things or add issues that need to be considered. My DD #2 is on a medication that can make it easier for her to become dehydrated. With this issue we have to think about how accessible bathrooms would be during outings. How long an outing will be as well as the weather conditions. Obviously one days that the temperature is going to be hot, she would need to ingest more water then she normally did.
       Another thing that one would need to keep in mind is the energy level it will take for certain activities. Like many medications, psychological medications can cause drowsiness in the first several weeks as the body gets used to it. These symptoms may decrease as time goes on and the body adjusts but there are some that do not diminish and you have to rethink the activities you wish to participate in. There are several end of the year activities that my DD #2 has to sit out on due to several issues that do not include her behavior but rather due to the side effects of her medication.
       This can impact a child more then we may think. Knowing that her friends will be out having fun while she has to stay behind. One end of the year activity brought up some concerns, by her teachers, that she may have some difficulty in participating. I met with a school official to find out exactly what the concerns were and faced them head on. My DD #2 and I, with the help of one of her workers, talked out all the possible things that could go wrong and what she can do in all those circumstances.
       With accommodations in place, my DD #2 was able to participate in at least one of the end of the year activities which she was looking forward to so much. I didn't have the heart to tell her she couldn't go but with help we did find a solution for her. With supports in place, she was able to have some treasured memories with her friends that she will hold onto. Granted she will not be able to have some memories that her friends have in regards to  different things, she will have some special ones.
      

Highway Robbery

       MI effects so many people in so many different ways. For some it may cause the MI individual to seclude themselves. It may cause others to act irrationally or unsafe. Yet in others is may cause them to be out going and do something you would not normally do if you were stable.
       How MI effects the individual may be and often does effect those who are caring for them differently as well. Some care givers even begin to have issues themselves with anxiety and depression. We get so wrapped up in the person we love and care for that we allow things. hobbies and enjoyment to the wayside.
       When behaviors or emotional issues begin to effect one's ability to relax, it robs those individuals of some much needed coping skills. This does not only go for those who are MI but also for the caregivers. Even caregivers need a way to "blow off steam" or just chill every now and then, because we all know that there are days that you just don't have an extra minute to breathe.
       I know that for me, depression set's in very easily where I too struggle with Bipolar. When I first went on medication my hands would shake terribly. This interfered with my ability to draw at times thus taking away both a coping mechanism as well as a hobby of mine. I am blessed in the fact that my DD #2 also loves to draw and has a natural ability to boot. I am able to get back into something I have always enjoyed doing at the same time as showing her that this can be a positive coping mechanism for her.
       My love of drawing is not only something I enjoy doing but it is very good for the body and soul. My DD's and I will go to a place that we want to draw and sit for hours out in the fresh air to draw. After we are done we also have something we can look at and know that we have been  productive. Drawing also brings with it sometimes a much needed distraction from life in general. Everyone needs that from time to time.
       If you do not learn anything else from this post, please listen to this. Keep doing your hobby's and interests so that you do not get over whelmed by what goes on around you. Whether you have a loved one with MI or not, this is an important thing, even if it is only 30 minutes a day. Don't allow yourself to be a victim of highway robbery.
      

      Sometimes the end product is worth more then what you think it is. I have a hard time sometimes in taking my own advice. I have not seriously drawn in over 10 yrs because I was too wrapped up in caring for my children. I have decided to do it now and drag out the old drawing book. I am not only doing this for me but for my DD's as well, because when you do not take care of yourself, how can you care for another?

Love and Affection

       I do not believe that it matters how long you deal with loved ones who have MI, it doesn't get easy. I also don't believe that it gets better with time or fully goes away. When someone is dxed with MI, it does not mean its the end of the world, even though it may feel like it at times.
       My DD #2 has been through so many times of struggling, it pains me to see it time and time again. A young teenager should not have to deal with the issues that most adults would have difficulty mulling through. Yet day after day she goes through the motions and doing what she needs to do.
       Today I was able to spend some time alone with her while her sisters went into town. We didn't do anything that could be viewed as special or important but it was for me. We spent some much needed bonding time, mother and daughter. We sat and watched a movie but it was more then just that. We sat side by side, snuggling together on the couch. We didn't really talk or even acknowledge each other but we knew that the other was right there.
       The time we had together reminded me of the moments we shared in the wee hours of the morning, while she was nursing. Just her and I close to each other, face to face. Granted we were not face to face today but as she curled up next to me, nestled behind my legs against the back of the couch, she was at peace and content. Like a baby, she was protected and safe. Safe from all the glaring eyes and sometimes harsh words. Safe from the triggers that send her into a rage.
       Just like the pony in the picture above, all she ever wants is to be loved and shown affection from those around her. The sad eyes tell her life story and her cautious steps show her fears. Just like the pony, she longs for a safe gentle touch. Even when she is tired and wants to give up, she continues to stand and put one foot in front of the other. She is my inspiration at times. If she can keep going day after day, then so can I. We will hold our head up as high as we can and march to the beat of the drum for as long as it takes.

Patience Is A Virtue

       While my DD's and I were out enjoying the nice weather and the sights in the town we have called home for the last four years, we came upon some local wildlife. We saw a mallard duck, a white goose and a Canadian goose that were hanging around a small pond. As we walked around the pond, we saw several others out enjoying the day as we were. We also saw a few small children running around after the birds trying to feed them the bread and crackers that they had.
      It didn't matter that they were running after then calling, "ducky, ducky!" the birds just kept on running faster and some even flew to the center of the pond. As the children threw the break and crackers into the water they learned that the birds would come closer to them. The second they tried to get closer to the "duckies", their actions itself scared the birds. It didn't matter that they had food for them and it didn't matter that all they wanted to do was pet the them. They felt threatened by the innocent excitement of the children.
      As my children and I were finishing up with our "drawing trip", we noticed the birds were still hanging around and there were some new children feeding them. As the children dispersed and we got closer to them, one mother gave my DD's a piece of bread to feed them. My DD #2 sat down and with the bread pieces in her hand sat quietly without moving. Her determination to hand feed this one Canadian Goose paid off after over 5 minutes of this. As you can see in the picture above, the goose is eating out of her hand.
      My girls learned a valuable lesson here, that you need to be determined in what you want and don't give up on it. They also learned that patience and control of your own body can get you ahead of others who are quick to the punch. Seeing her sitting there for that amount of time, determined to feed that goose, solidified my own thoughts regarding the importance of controlling your own actions to reach your goal in life or what ever your situation you are in.
      The same can go for situations involving people with MI. When you keep your cool and your voice at a steady tone and volume, situations can be defused. It may not happen the first time you try it or even the second time but it will eventually happen. We need to have the determination I saw in my DD #2 that day. When I finally got this message through my head it still took years for this to be able to happen with success. I have to admit that it doesn't always work but it has worked more then half the time. I just have to keep on trying and praying that God gives me the strength to continue to keep that peace inside me to be able to handle my children and what they bring into our home.
       It has not been an easy road and it isn't over yet. This is a life long journey that we have just like every other parent out there. Our issues with our children do not end when they graduate High School nor will the MI be gone once they are adults. In many cases, the issues get worse as adults, not because of the MI itself but because as adult we can no longer force our children/loved ones to take the much needed medication. I pray that the Lord gives each and everyone of us the ability and strength to preserver and come out on the other side as "achievers".

Storms Of Life

       This past week has been a difficult time for many in our state, some more then others. We had an unusual situation that is rare to the extent it was on June 1st. Our great state had several encounters with tornado's. Granted the tornado's that whipped through our state were no where close to the damage most tornado's do but when you are not used to them, it is down right scary. Even when they don't hit where you are but come close, is freaky.
       Storms effect everyone differently. They can effect you physically, emotionally and mentally. For my DD #1 and I, we experience storms physically with painful joints that ache when the barometric pressure drops. For my DD #2 she loves most storms, the excitement of the thunder and lightening and even the rising water that floods our parking stops during heavy downpours. My DD #3 is still young enough that she has a lot of fears regarding impending storms. This last storm that involved the tornado's, caused us all to be a little more anxious about the danger they could possibly do.
        Unlike the members of my family, good friends of ours, Michael and Judy, came down during the storm and chatted for a bit while we all watched the news to follow the tornado's path's. Michael has been through many tornado warnings and watches, so he was calm, cool and collected. My DD's seemed to calm down more with Michael and Judy being here, and my DD's #1 and #3 actually calmed down enough to fall asleep. Where my DD #2 and I stayed up watching the news as well as the lightening outside.
       Like the events of the other night's storms, living with a person with MI can be similar. Things can be calm and beautiful and suddenly a storm in life arises without much warning. Even when you have warning, there is very little you can do to stop it once it is in motion. Some storms in life can be like our parking lot flooding, be inconvenient but not too bad. Some may be like a good thunder and lightening storm and just make a lot of noise with not a lot of damage. Some yet can be like a hurricane, blowing heavy and ripping things apart that makes life difficult to manage till after the storm is over and clean up can happen.
      Then there are those  storms that can be weathered with an experienced person. It wasn't because Michael had some magical powers or that we wouldn't be hurt in a tornado because he and Judy were here. It was instead because he had experience in these difficult and stressful situations involving tornado's. He and Judy had a calm about themselves and that in turn calmed the girls.
       I have found that the same can be said for the storms in life that are a "given" when dealing with a person with MI. When the people around the individual is calm then that in itself is calming to the others around them. I have noticed that if I "loose it" then the situation gets out of control faster. Another thing that helps with the life storms is being prepared for situations to happen. If there is a plan in place for those difficult times, it is much easier to come out on the other side of the storm with minimal damage and repair work to do.

Can You Stop A Sneeze?

       Everyone knows what it feels like when you have to sneeze, right? You can feel it coming before you actually sneeze. You feel the proverbial tickle in the back of your nose. You sometimes get that "I'm gonna sneeze" look like in the picture above. I have even felt and looked this way for up to a minute before the sneeze actually builds up enough to be a successful sneeze.
       Does a sneeze actually have a purpose? Yes, it most certainly does. It is your body's way of reacting to a foreign object in your system. When it senses that there is something in your airways that doesn't belong there, like pollen, a common reason for sneezing. Your body needs to expel that" invader" in a quick manner. Sneezing is your bodies way to do just this.
       You may have a second or two before you sneeze that you feel "it coming on" and sometimes you have a minute or two. Regardless of the amount of time you have, you don't try to stop it because you know it is going to come eventually, right? I mean we all know what purpose a sneeze is doing so why stop a good thing.
        Like a sneeze, where there is a "force" that is built up and then escapes the body with such force, your whole body usually reacts to it happening, that same thing can be said about bp rages. The individual with bp can "feel" things being built up inside prior to a "rage", yet they have no means to prevent it from coming to pass. There were years I believed I could change their behavior by positive reinforcement with no luck. I didn't understand how they could not control their actions, I mean even when I was mad as all heck, I still have a choice to act or not act.
       That mechanism is not as easy to activate when you have MI as it is when you have no MI. I have stated before how we all have a build it gauge that tells you to run and to stand your ground in certain situations. When you have MI, you can see the signs that things are getting hot. The steam flows from your mouth usually in forms of vulgarity and threats. You can see the "water almost at a boil" by the hands clenching or someone hitting a wall or throwing things.
       When the gauge is broken, there is no "off button" or "easy button", no way to "turn it off" even though you can see it coming to a head. This is one of the many reasons why people with MI have such a hard time with it. They can see it coming but there is nothing they can do to stop it. This however does not mean it has to continue. There are ways to "control" it to a point. Medication slows down the thought process of that is needed to make the upward climb to rage.
      If you can slow down that process so it takes an hour to reach the "melting point" rather then seconds, there is time in which those around them can see the signs and change the outcome. It gives you the ability to get PRN meds into the individual to prevent rages or you can utilize coping mechanisms to lessen the chance of a blow up. We may not be able to totally stop it but we can lessen the blow and effect of it.